In Which Tiffani Attends a Writers Conference

      Who is this blur and why is she so important that I would actually post such a poor quality picture?  

Answer: Judy Blume! (the one on the right--absolutely gorgeous at 73!)

     That's right, the popular children's author was one of the many surprises at this year's SCBWI conference, along with the likes of Gary Paulsen (who has had the most amazing/crazy/unbelievable life of anyone I have ever met), Laurie Halse Anderson, Bruce Coville, Richard Peck, Norton Juster, Mary Pope Osborne, Libba Bray, just to name a few.  I have to admit, I was more star struck than anything else I've experienced since moving to LA. 

             Me and Norton Juster (author of the Phantom Tollbooth)

   What an awesome weekend it was.  Going, in I half expected that I would leave a little depressed after having the reality of the difficult writing industry hammered into my brain.  Instead I left the conference feeling inspired and motivated, and most importantly hopeful.  I was excited to learn that publishers are actively seeking new writers and each want to be the first to launch the next big career.  They also aren't as concerned with current trends as I thought.  There was a point in my life where I was afraid that if I didn't come up with something that involved vampires, I'd never get published.  Instead I learned that publishers are already saturated with whatever's popular and don't have room for much more.  They're looking for books that will start the next trend or books that readers of popular genres can easily move on to next.

    If you're a writer I really recommend going to this if you can spare the time and the money.  Totally worth it.  Incredible keynotes, success stories, opportunities, and new friends; an event I'm not likely to forget.  

    To top it off we had a fabulous pajama dance party on Saturday night where even the best of us got a little crazy :)    

Which features a very long rant concerning a terrible, yet necessary process.

            I’ve been sort of out of the picture for a while, hiding in the low light of various underground Hollywood cafes, slaving away at piles of manuscript print outs with red ink -- phone off, glasses on, eyes bloodshot, and breathing erratic.  Yes that time has come, the inescapable stage every writer looks forward to and then shuns away from with despair: THE REVISION. 

            This year to help me with this grueling process I decided to enlist the help of Holly Lisle (she doesn’t know me, but since I stalk authors I feel like I know her), and her extensive How to Revise Your Novel course.  This course breaks the revision down into a step-by-step process that teaches you essentially how to transform a pathetic first draft into a polished manuscript ready for submission, in ONE epic revision.  Starting this course was like beginning a journey on foot across a desert that at first seemed endless and barren, but as time went on, began to grow increasingly lush.  Sure, a lot of energy, sweat, and tears were lost along the way, and if this had been a school class I would have failed all my other classes to keep up with the workload of this one, but now as I approach the last few lessons I realize how invaluable the course has been for me as a writer.  I’ve discovered that all my previous self-taught methods of revising were completely wrong, and got me nowhere – kinda like that scene from The Phantom Tollbooth, where Milo attempts to move a pile of sand with a pair of tweezers.

            I’ve had an extremely difficult time with this particular manuscript, which in theory should be a simple and charming children’s tale, but has come to stab me in the back as it is now mocking me with it’s happy façade and haunting my nightmares like a creepy laughing clown. 

            You know how evil children are always the scariest part of horror films because they should be so innocent? Well, that’s what my book’s starting to feel like.  My characters smiling faces constantly laugh at my incompetence while I cringe away from them in terror.  At least, that is what they used to do, until Holly taught me how to make them into actual human beings.

            The most important thing about her course was learning what mistakes I had been making over and over again in years past, that now I will never repeat.  Freed from these death weights, all my future manuscripts are going to seem like (insert favorite author here) wrote them in comparison with the crap I’ve been continually outputting.  Ok, maybe not (favorite author) status, but at least better than what you’d expect from this crazed, kidlit-loving, socially awkward, nerd.      

            Eye’s and mind now wide open after having several epiphanies along the way, I am ready to pull out my scalpel and plunge into the final depths of my novel.  I may occasionally come up for air, but knowing me, I’ll probably just hold my breath until I pass out, get resuscitated by a kind friend, and then have at it again until this bloody thing is done!     

If you’ve seriously read this whole rant I feel sorry for you.  Like me, you must have no life. 

Cafe Craze!

When you're a writer, little things excite you.  Things like finding an awesome new cafe where you can sit for hours on end typing away in blissful, aromatic, ambiance, forgetting the world while surrounded by a cloud of intelligent conversation and warm smells.  Today, while meandering through West Hollywood I discovered such a cafe.  http://www.bricksandscones.com/index.html. 

A treasure to any cafe buff (yes we exist), Bricks and Scones is a cozy, multi-floored writer's sanctuary, complete with a book exchange, cute latte boys, and a quiet study room for the very serious workers.  One thing that particularly excited me was their scones!  After the my epic gallivant across Britain, I've been on a futile quest to find scones comparable to the ones I ate over there.  Today, my journey came to an end.  With a side of jam and creme the scones here were a nostalgic delight!

Don't even get me started on the paninis!  I think I've found my new home for the next little while.     

A little matter of scifi and chinese cookies:

So, I went out to get Chinese food with some friends tonight and my fortune cookie read:   

"An alien of some sort will be appearing to you shortly."

 (insert X-files theme song here)

I'll keep you guys updated on whether or not this occurs.  Do know that I have my video camera at my side at all times.  

p.s. if by alien it actually means the "illegal" kind, then this fortune has already come to pass.   

On the matter of carrots:

It's not that I don't like carrots, I love carrots (raw not cooked)!  When I was little, I learned from The Magic School Bus that if you eat enough carrots you'll eventually turn orange.  How sweet is that?  Didn't work for me, but I sure got a lot of vitamin A, good for your eyes right?  Too bad that despite that, I still have to wear reading glasses.  Maybe carrots aren't everything I thought they were.  Recently I've been reading a lot of health articles, and i came across one that said they are actually one of the worst vegetables for you, just a lot of sugar and starch, how sad (no wonder they're so delicious)!  And then people make them even worse by slathering them with dip (kinda defeats the purpose of eating veggies).  So anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm attempting to make the switch to broccoli (cooked not raw), so If my skin has been looking a little green lately, I promise I'm not sick!  Hopefully I'm just the opposite, since broccoli has so much vitamin C, good for the immune system right?